i should totally be cleaning right now.
but....
...yeah.
i mean, i have all the rest of the day, right?
hahahahah. ohdear. i need help.
i am mentally exhausted.
nothing could have prepared me for this. wow. crazy stuff. that's for sure. i am learning things about myself that i never knew. it's kind of crazy. but it's okay. i can do this. yeah.
and now.
i'll clean.
maybe.
yeah.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
there have been better days.
it's been a long week. i don't even know if long would suffice as the most appropriate word here. i'm not going to lie. this past week has been frustrating. living with 4 other girls is not exactly the easiest thing to do. all is good though. just frustrating. we are getting into a schedule now, and the days are starting to become "just another day". waking up at 6:30-7am every morning is proving to be very difficult. for those of you who know anything about me, would know that i struggle just a bit in that area. morning.
but, to be completely honest.. all of this is because of my frustration. not at situations, not at people, but at God. talking about hearing the voice of god, and having a personal relationship with god, i realize how much of that i DON'T have. i don't know why, but for some reason i just feel that maybe he doesnt hear me. maybe he doesnt care. maybe he likes to see me struggle. i'm not sure. i just know that i have never "heard his voice". my personal relationship is close to nonexistent. this frustrates me. i know he is there. i know he can hear me. but why isnt he there. i have never felt so alone. and i know that this is a part of growing, this is a part of dts. this is a part of figuring out who i am, but couldnt it be less stressful? i just dont get why some people seem so close to him. they seem to almost physically hear him in everything they do. the "revelations" people get, i want that! i want that so bad. i just dont know how! i just want to feel the presence of him.
this will pass. sooner would be preferable.
but, to be completely honest.. all of this is because of my frustration. not at situations, not at people, but at God. talking about hearing the voice of god, and having a personal relationship with god, i realize how much of that i DON'T have. i don't know why, but for some reason i just feel that maybe he doesnt hear me. maybe he doesnt care. maybe he likes to see me struggle. i'm not sure. i just know that i have never "heard his voice". my personal relationship is close to nonexistent. this frustrates me. i know he is there. i know he can hear me. but why isnt he there. i have never felt so alone. and i know that this is a part of growing, this is a part of dts. this is a part of figuring out who i am, but couldnt it be less stressful? i just dont get why some people seem so close to him. they seem to almost physically hear him in everything they do. the "revelations" people get, i want that! i want that so bad. i just dont know how! i just want to feel the presence of him.
this will pass. sooner would be preferable.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
amen.
it has been an amazing week with ben gort. he taught on the holy spirit. awesome! the night of giving last night was very moving. i realize now how selfish i am. i am grateful for a god of second, third, and infinite chances! i am about to go photograph the baptisms about to happen in the river!
Friday, October 15, 2010
moving along..
Wow. What to say. I don't even know where to begin.
Okay, so here goes. This past week has been interesting, difficult, amazing, and just about any other adjective that one could possibly think of.
As far as the actual lectures go, this week's topic was taught by Sergey Shidlovskiy (don't be intimidated by his webpage, he really is a very personable guy, wise too.) He lead us through a week of "Developing A Personal Relationship With God", however, he made the mistake of asking for questions during the third day of his teaching. To clarify, when I say "mistake", I really mean that he gave us, as students, the opportunity to ask the one question that the every speaker, our leaders, and the whole school has been focused around but never answered. That question was, "Everyone that has spoken to us has given us the answer to many questions, that answer is to, simply, listen to the voice of God for direction. Now we just want to know how do we do that!?" Therefore, God changed our direction, and, after a quick meeting to discuss the change in plans, Sergey put aside his lesson for the day and delivered a, much needed, insightful lecture on "How To Listen To Voice of God ". It was truly amazing.
Concerning the week's activities: On Sunday I attended ICA, International Christian Assembly. I like it a lot! The atmosphere there is very friendly, and the whole church is extremely relational. Although it does help that it is an English speaking church! (sometimes overseas missionaries
not only bless the locals, but the other missionaries there too!) I am pretty sure that I will be going back on a regular basis.
Outreach Prep on Tuesday was completely lead by God. Again, as with Sergey, what was planned is not what was carried out. God spoke to our DTS leaders, and the whole evening was spent with us, the students, interceding for our leaders while they were in the other room praying for the locations. Note: this has never happened before in any of their previous DTS's! We're believing that it is not time to know yet, for we have not received a location just yet. But the possibilities are Turkey, Georgia, Armenia, and the native Russian speakers have been invited to Iran (sometimes i wish that English was not my native language, I want to go to Iran so bad!)
Small groups on Wednesday were split up into boys and girls. I can't speak for the boys who played soccer and ate shashlik (BBQ), but I can speak for the girls when I say that I had fun in Oksana Ford's, DTS staff, flat playing charades, getting to know my female classmates better, and (of course) catching my hair on fire! It was pretty epic. I'm okay though, but the ends of my hair are a little singed.
Thursday night, Family Night, was divided into small groups in host houses. The topic was masks, and how we wear them to hide who we really are. I got the privilege of being hosted by Helmut and Susanna (a German couple). Not only did we have fun and learn a lot, but I had a chance to practice my German! And I actually did alright!
To finish, tonight, Friday night, I just got back from a "Friendship Dinner" with some people here locally, both from YWAM, and just the area. We listened to a sermon by Matt Chandler, discussed it, worshiped, and ate dinner together. It was a perfect way to end the week!
As for this weekend, tomorrow I will go with some other DTS girls to the botanical gardens and just walk around the city. Sunday will be full of church, flat cleaning, and finishing the weekly assignment!
To leave with a good note of what God's doing here, a couple of things. First of all, this DTS has been, or what the staff has been telling us, unlike any other. God's hand is in this completely! They have had to switch around many things just to keep up with where God is leading the school! Secondly, God has been breaking down so many walls already. I have already been molded, shaped, and sometimes painfully stretched. Last of all, On my way home from lectures today, I stopped to talk to a lady who sits out on my street everyday. (To be honest I forgot her name). She sits on the bench right outside of my apartment for about 3-4 hours with her dog, everyday! So I decided to talk to her. She is 91, has Parkinsons Disease, or at least I think so from her constant uncontrollable shaking, can't hear well at all, and has trouble walking. I initiated the conversation, but she was so glad that someone talked to her that she kept it up. She relayed to me how she outlived all of her friends, and now she doesn't have any. We talked for a very long time, and I invited her to a Russian speaking church very close to her home. She was more than excited for the invitation, and I am now working on transportation for her to get there. Needless to say, I have an additional grandmother here (or babushka). As I left she even called me a joy, and gift, and .. well.. she has, in effect, adopted me as her vnuchka (granddaughter).
All in all the week has been good, despite the few speedbumps along the way, including our flat almost burning down from using to much electricity. The plug literally exploded! Fire and everything!
Okay, so here goes. This past week has been interesting, difficult, amazing, and just about any other adjective that one could possibly think of.
As far as the actual lectures go, this week's topic was taught by Sergey Shidlovskiy (don't be intimidated by his webpage, he really is a very personable guy, wise too.) He lead us through a week of "Developing A Personal Relationship With God", however, he made the mistake of asking for questions during the third day of his teaching. To clarify, when I say "mistake", I really mean that he gave us, as students, the opportunity to ask the one question that the every speaker, our leaders, and the whole school has been focused around but never answered. That question was, "Everyone that has spoken to us has given us the answer to many questions, that answer is to, simply, listen to the voice of God for direction. Now we just want to know how do we do that!?" Therefore, God changed our direction, and, after a quick meeting to discuss the change in plans, Sergey put aside his lesson for the day and delivered a, much needed, insightful lecture on "How To Listen To Voice of God ". It was truly amazing.
Concerning the week's activities: On Sunday I attended ICA, International Christian Assembly. I like it a lot! The atmosphere there is very friendly, and the whole church is extremely relational. Although it does help that it is an English speaking church! (sometimes overseas missionaries
not only bless the locals, but the other missionaries there too!) I am pretty sure that I will be going back on a regular basis.
Outreach Prep on Tuesday was completely lead by God. Again, as with Sergey, what was planned is not what was carried out. God spoke to our DTS leaders, and the whole evening was spent with us, the students, interceding for our leaders while they were in the other room praying for the locations. Note: this has never happened before in any of their previous DTS's! We're believing that it is not time to know yet, for we have not received a location just yet. But the possibilities are Turkey, Georgia, Armenia, and the native Russian speakers have been invited to Iran (sometimes i wish that English was not my native language, I want to go to Iran so bad!)
Small groups on Wednesday were split up into boys and girls. I can't speak for the boys who played soccer and ate shashlik (BBQ), but I can speak for the girls when I say that I had fun in Oksana Ford's, DTS staff, flat playing charades, getting to know my female classmates better, and (of course) catching my hair on fire! It was pretty epic. I'm okay though, but the ends of my hair are a little singed.
Thursday night, Family Night, was divided into small groups in host houses. The topic was masks, and how we wear them to hide who we really are. I got the privilege of being hosted by Helmut and Susanna (a German couple). Not only did we have fun and learn a lot, but I had a chance to practice my German! And I actually did alright!
To finish, tonight, Friday night, I just got back from a "Friendship Dinner" with some people here locally, both from YWAM, and just the area. We listened to a sermon by Matt Chandler, discussed it, worshiped, and ate dinner together. It was a perfect way to end the week!
As for this weekend, tomorrow I will go with some other DTS girls to the botanical gardens and just walk around the city. Sunday will be full of church, flat cleaning, and finishing the weekly assignment!
To leave with a good note of what God's doing here, a couple of things. First of all, this DTS has been, or what the staff has been telling us, unlike any other. God's hand is in this completely! They have had to switch around many things just to keep up with where God is leading the school! Secondly, God has been breaking down so many walls already. I have already been molded, shaped, and sometimes painfully stretched. Last of all, On my way home from lectures today, I stopped to talk to a lady who sits out on my street everyday. (To be honest I forgot her name). She sits on the bench right outside of my apartment for about 3-4 hours with her dog, everyday! So I decided to talk to her. She is 91, has Parkinsons Disease, or at least I think so from her constant uncontrollable shaking, can't hear well at all, and has trouble walking. I initiated the conversation, but she was so glad that someone talked to her that she kept it up. She relayed to me how she outlived all of her friends, and now she doesn't have any. We talked for a very long time, and I invited her to a Russian speaking church very close to her home. She was more than excited for the invitation, and I am now working on transportation for her to get there. Needless to say, I have an additional grandmother here (or babushka). As I left she even called me a joy, and gift, and .. well.. she has, in effect, adopted me as her vnuchka (granddaughter).
All in all the week has been good, despite the few speedbumps along the way, including our flat almost burning down from using to much electricity. The plug literally exploded! Fire and everything!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
911.
so the boat next door caught on fire this morning. that was interesting. although, now, we have had inspectors in all morning. this base is already on the shutdown list. please pray. i dont know how the fire on the nextdoor boat had anything to do with the base, but here in ukraine. who knows. anyway. we had a prayer time just to focus on god's direction for ywam kyiv. the general consensus was that we needed to be confident in god. and thats what we'll do. however, i do ask for prayers.
don't put your faith in what god is doing, for we do not know what he is doing. however, put your faith in who god is. his character is revealed in who he is. and with faith in the character of god, we can be sure that he is, and will always take care of us.
don't put your faith in what god is doing, for we do not know what he is doing. however, put your faith in who god is. his character is revealed in who he is. and with faith in the character of god, we can be sure that he is, and will always take care of us.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
in a nutshell..
homework? done. dinner? made, eaten. sick? not anymore. pajamas? on.
it's been good.
new friends.
great speakers.
awesome experiences.
it's been good.
sleep? now :).
it's been good.
new friends.
great speakers.
awesome experiences.
it's been good.
sleep? now :).
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
oh wow.
i am sitting in front of a table beautifully decorated and full of friends. tonight is the love feast. the ternopil dts along with mine have been interacting for the last week and will continue to be together for another week. these past few days have been filled with alot. joy, friendship, love, heartache, sickness, understanding, misunderstanding, frustration, excitement, and much much more. i have already endured alot here. i cant explain everything in words. i can, however, express my gratitude in being here. i have been blessed beyond words here. with new friends, a deeper understanding, already, of god, good times, understanding people, and acceptance. i am not able to fully express my heart for this organization. ywam is simply indescribable.
Monday, October 4, 2010
so far.
DTS is awesome. i am loving it. i have already been to a conference and back, met loren and darlene cunningham, made many new friends, and i am living in an apartment with 4 other girls. right now we have the tenopil team with us and we are about to go on a tour of kyiv. my work duty tonight is to make dinner for all of the 40 people! hahaha. i'm making spaghetti. yumm. tomorrow we will all do a street evangelism outside. i am so excited! we have been super busy, so my free time is limited. but when we get into a schedule, i will have lots of that!
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