it's been a long week. i don't even know if long would suffice as the most appropriate word here. i'm not going to lie. this past week has been frustrating. living with 4 other girls is not exactly the easiest thing to do. all is good though. just frustrating. we are getting into a schedule now, and the days are starting to become "just another day". waking up at 6:30-7am every morning is proving to be very difficult. for those of you who know anything about me, would know that i struggle just a bit in that area. morning.
but, to be completely honest.. all of this is because of my frustration. not at situations, not at people, but at God. talking about hearing the voice of god, and having a personal relationship with god, i realize how much of that i DON'T have. i don't know why, but for some reason i just feel that maybe he doesnt hear me. maybe he doesnt care. maybe he likes to see me struggle. i'm not sure. i just know that i have never "heard his voice". my personal relationship is close to nonexistent. this frustrates me. i know he is there. i know he can hear me. but why isnt he there. i have never felt so alone. and i know that this is a part of growing, this is a part of dts. this is a part of figuring out who i am, but couldnt it be less stressful? i just dont get why some people seem so close to him. they seem to almost physically hear him in everything they do. the "revelations" people get, i want that! i want that so bad. i just dont know how! i just want to feel the presence of him.
this will pass. sooner would be preferable.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I struggle with that too, erin. You are not alone. I know God hears me, but I am never sure if I am hearing Him. I want to so desperately but I usually just think the things I am hearing are my own thoughts and desires bouncing around my head. I can never seem to focus one one thought long enough to get the feeling like it is God leading me to some great revelation of some sort. But despite all of that I do know that He cares for me and that his desire is to be close to me.I think at time He is talking and I am just not tuned in enough to know it is Him! Don't give up, keep your mind on Him and He will lead your ways! You will be OK!
ReplyDelete