it's just nostalgia.

it's not like time is something that ever stops. this can get annoying. i feel as if my time is running away from me. who said that it could go so fast? that's not cool. i'm almost halfway through my dts. and it feels like it just started. how can that be? i really don't understand it.

maybe it's the fact that here, in ukraine, during the winter, the sun sets at about 430pm. the day isn't even close to being over when it is pitch black outside. it's pretty new for me.

but even with the lack of sun, i feel like i am being fast forwarded. time flies!

anyway.

right now i am enjoying the flat all to myself. laundry done, room clean, homework done, book report finished, listening to cartel :), and with a hot cup of grape chai sitting next to me, being sipped at a slow pace. this is nice.

i feel accomplished.

i spent the whole weekend at arielle's flat. everyone had left, and only her and mahsa remained. for some reason, masha decided to spent the whole weekend in front of the television. i don't understand why. although, the all weekend long rainy weather didnt help much. (this is why my laundry is on a rack over the radiator right now).

i can't really tell why, well it is a mix of things, but right now i feel a bit nostalgic.

i have been keeping up with friends from the states, and in touch with my parents, and i am happy here, but i just feel like something is missing. i don't feel "homesick" necessarily, but i am not sure quite what this feeling is.

this time of year, i should be hearing the dreaded christmas music in the mall or any store that i walk into. cinnamon, apple, cider, and pine trees should be filling the air with their sometimes overwhelming smells. but instead, i am hearing russian, provocative, techno-pop music everywhere i go. the smell of mud, smoke, and an almost, "soviet-like" aroma fill my nostrils. the sound of cars, smokers cough, and the murmur of speech on public transportation break the silence here. my bed, dresser, and closet have been replaced with a mattress on the floor, a 1940's shkoff, and a total lack of free space.

i am not discontent with these things, rather, i actually like them. the artifacts that predate a couple generations, the intriguing culture around me, the ability to learn practical information, the chance to change my worldview. these things make me happy!

but still.

there is still a trace of not belonging. of being dragged out of my own comfort zone. of always missing friends, family, and the abundance of un-necessary luxuries!

..oh would i would give for a washer AND DRYER. or maybe ice to put in my drink. and FREE REFILLS anyone? having a car... oh, the luxuries that i have brought up with..

it's just nostalgia.